remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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