The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
