wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
