I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
