I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
