No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
