FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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