this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
