Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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