all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
