I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
