Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
