I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
