1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
