she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
