I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
