happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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