She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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