guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
