the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
