I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
