So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
