This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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