Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
