and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
