Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
