is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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