And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it because I queefed?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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