Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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