Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
