Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
