you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
