dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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you made out with another girl for some wings
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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