He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
