3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just pee around me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Someone signed my nipple.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
