I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
