Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
