Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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