I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
