his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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