Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
