Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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