i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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