she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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