You made me cry and you don't even care
We're like a lot better than the average bears
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
