I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
