who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
