worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
And then he peed in my hair
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
