dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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