ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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