There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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