Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
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I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize