Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
