god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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