It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
