i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
