Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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