Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Michael Bay diarrhea
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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