we have officially lost it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
