yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
