Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
