but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
