My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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