it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
