Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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