Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
